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Tuesday

by Kristin Gordon

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1.
There’s not enough time to write the perfect line or shape it into a stone. And there’s not enough purpose or tension on the surface to skip it across when it’s thrown. And there’s not enough this, there’s not enough that. And what does it matter? We are where we’re at. We are where we’re at. There’s not enough motion or waves on the ocean to turn the moonlight to sand. There’s not enough worry or get-up and hurry to hold fast to time on your hands. And there’s not enough this, there’s not not enough that And what does it matter? We are where we’re at. And sometimes there’s singing and the wind in the trees, the quaking of leaves. And sometimes there’s breathing, in and out in the night. You’ll be alright. Your heart is beating. Your heart is beating. Your heart is beating. Your heart is beating.
2.
Water in my cells, coursing through my blood, in my rice, in my tea, in the grass and in the mud. Water seeping from my eyes, or dripping in the sink. sliding down an empty glass, or slipping to the sea. Refracting light, tilting sight, and all that it bends in me. Water and light are dancing, bending the world with their steps. A sheen on a lens, ink from a pen, capillaries and chlorophyll, chrysanthemums and daffodils. And the mystery of your heart beating next to mine, through the streetlight on the windowpane where the moonlight touches rain.
3.
I’ve taken a page from a spiral-bound notebook notebook, I’ve filled it with circles and lines. And when it’s all dressed up, from top to the bottom, I’ll make it a box and crawl inside. Just a little space to breathe, Just a little room to be what I think of as me. Somewhere between the blue lines and the fibers, beneath the cardstock and the ink, I’ve etched out a tunnel to crawl through to quiet to hear my own thoughts as they think.
4.
Hanging, like laundry on the line, Waiting for sun to shine Waiting for you. Falling, a tumbling of leaves, Caught up in the breeze, Caught up in you. And you pull me down, down, down, down, down, down to the bone, to water and to stone. You lay me out, out, out, out, out, like paper worn thin. You see where I begin, and you pull me in. you pull me in. you pull me in. Floating, a pendulum in space, drawn off its pace, drawing to you. Stumbling, a clock drunk on wine, taking all the time, taking to you.
5.
Dance with me, circle through all the patterns that are holding you. The arc so smooth and gradual, rotation seems so casual. The steps are marked upon the floor, and you can’t help but take some more, but maybe they are taking you? Expectations and conventions, over, under, good intentions, feel the artistry, and the thread that’s pulling me. A turn towards peace, then back to war. We give and then we take some more. We find God and ecstasy, then we smite our enemies. Up and down, passing through, brushing fingers, touching you. An embroidery hoop of history, a featherstitch of mystery.
6.
Swinging in the apple tree. Riding on tricycles, you, waiting for me. The tall bathroom sink, and green carpet everywhere. The tilt and the creak of the big rocking chair. Driving home late with the radio on. Boredom and homework, and that one really good song. Hoping and sinking, becoming resistant. Learning too slowly what love is and isn’t. We’re all living fiction, historical contradictions, connecting the dots with sidewalk chalk that washes away in the rain. We’re all hearing voices, echoes of memories, echoes of choices, reflecting off the years, and filtered through our laughter and tears. The first time you held my hand. That thing I said, that time I was mad. Doors slamming shut, then opening again. And who did the dishes. And silly jokes at 4 a.m.
7.
Half-Wild 02:07
September spoke softly of warm summer days. We found ourselves watching small children at play, sitting in the green grass as the sun settled low, over open fields and apple trees, row upon row. And the wine sang a song of a love that could be Half sculpted and tended, half wild and free. She sang. We hummed along softly, your hand on my knee.
8.
Who Knows 02:29
Knock. knock. Who’s there? Who knows. Who knows who? Who knows who knows Who knows who knows Who knows who knows Who knows Knock. knock. Who’s there? You are. You are who? You are who knows You are who knows You are who knows Who knows Who knows Where I put my car keys Who knows Whether it will rain today Who knows If I’ll ever fall asleep Knock. knock. Who’s there? Who knows. Who knows who? Who knows who knows Who knows who knows Who knows who knows Who knows Knock. knock. Who’s there? I am. I am who? I am who knows I am who knows I am who knows Who knows Who knows If purple looks the same to us Who knows If you are who I think you are Who knows If what you really love is really what I am
9.
I gave all that I had to the river last week. Now my banks are running dry. I’m waiting on the spring and the melt that it brings. I’m waiting for the water to rise. I’m waiting for the waters to rise and carry my off in its flow. Walking this dry bed with weary feet and heavy head is a lonesome and a long way to go. Well, everyone’s thirsty and everyone’s tired, And everyone just wants a drink. I poured cup after cup, til the faucet gave up And the dishes piled up in the sink. I’m too tired to daydream, and I’m not fit for sleeping. Walking is all I can be. But someday, the rain will call. She’ll pull me up inside her fall. She’ll take me, so sweet, to the sea.
10.
Empty as a heartbeat, as the vast blue sky, as the space between atoms, in the blood rushing by. Empty as the vapor that congregates and dissipates. Empty as a heartbeat that gives, then waits. Gives, then waits. Gives, then waits. Gives, then waits. A jar on the shelf that once held pennies and buttons and lentils, and now stands empty. Hands that washed dishes, mailed postcards and braided hair, rest on the arms of the living room chair. And the poetry is fleeting. Flashes of insight, and laughter and weeping.

about

Kristin started the Shitty Song Tuesday project in 2017, where she gave herself permission to write and record a song of any quality every Tuesday. These are some of the early songs from that project. Original rough drafts can be found at patreon.com/kristingordon.

credits

released June 9, 2020

Songs written, performed, produced & recorded by Kristin Gordon
with Hannah Callender Highlander, Tom George, Dawn Schoepflin, David Chris & Erin Christensen

Sound engineering by Kristin Gordon with help from Miranda Kanter. Mastering by Miranda Kanter

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all rights reserved

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about

Kristin Gordon Portland, Oregon

Kristin Gordon is a singer/songwriter/multi-instrumentalist living in Portland, OR. She loves coffee, singing in harmony, laughing, and looking for meaning in everyday things. When she’s not writing words & melodies, she’s often directing choirs or teaching young fingers to play the piano. ... more

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